Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Our road trip got cancelled due to my concert that I've been waiting for 20 years of my life being cancelled because of extreme illness. You ever want to cry so hard but you're just at such a loss for any kind of emotion you just kind of sit there like a manatee?
Then there was a death in the family of someone we're not close to but feel like we should go pay our respects. It's basically an anxiety attack waiting to happen. So what is the first thing that pops into my head? "All I want is what I have coming to me, all I want is my fair share" and I want it in cupcakes. The cupcakes I was supposed to be eating today.
|Ghost of cupcakes past|
Yeah I know, I'm bitching about not losing weight and then I'm going to indulge in 2 cupcakes mid week? Well it was my birthday concert and this bakery is a place we don't get to all the time so yeah, we both felt entitled. Then I feel like I'm being punished for planning to eat cupcakes mid week. Then I felt like maybe if I weighed in today, I would let that decide. If I haven't lost anything and my dragon isn't going to get slain anyway then screw it, let's go to a different place just because it was already a planned wreck. But if I was losing weight then it was a sign to not get them.
I mean seriously, it sucks how quickly you can go back to that line of thinking and how obsessive it can be. I don't need a pep talk on why I shouldn't do it and such, I know that. I just seriously can't believe that 200+ lbs later that this is still a struggle. I know it always will be. Granted, it's rare and back in the day, all it would take is a hang nail to get me to order a pizza or polish off half a box of Swiss Cake Rolls so I guess I should look at it as 3-4x per year is pretty good in comparison to 3-4x a week. Those old demons will always be there...lurking...waiting...wanting you to screw up so they can prove how right they were about how weak you are. Some days you win, some days you lose but as long as there are more in the win columns, I've gotta believe that's worth something.
Are you fighting any old demons on your adventure to a better you?
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