Friday, February 24, 2012
Merger throws a monkey wrench
The one change neither the Mr or I are thrilled about is an inter-island connection that isn't first class. It's a short flight so it shouldn't be too bad but it brought back some rather unpleasant memories. One time we did an inter-island flight they ended up not being able to seat us in first class and we weren't even at our heaviest yet. (Still 400 lbs though) We missed a connection and got in late and had to check in through Honolulu and we're direct to island kinds of people. Now we had to do that walk of shame down the aisle where people don't look you in the eye, give you dirty looks or break out into a cold sweat while mouthing "please don't sit by me, please don't sit by me." We weren't even able to sit together, he was in the seat ahead of me and thankfully we were both on the aisle so we didn't have to impose ourselves on the people beside us. We're used to holding hands on take off and landings. So I quietly snuck my hand under his arm to hold onto him as we took off. I felt like I had been thrown into the ocean with no life preserver. When you're that heavy, you cling to familiarity and routine. Any wrench in that routine is met with panic and being overwhelmed. I wanted to cry. Seriously. I wanted to commiserate with him about how much being buttered into the seats and leaning to the opposite side so you didn't impose on your seatmates sucked ass while holding his hand or putting my head on his shoulder. That was the whole reason we flew/fly first class is to not get "the looks" or the judgment. But to this day hearing the phrase "coach class" sends me into cold sweats. As I chatted about this situation with the Mr yesterday he said the lady he sat beside "looked me up and down and gave me the most disgusted look I have ever received in my life. I never forgot that look." She was judging him/us like because we were that fat he didn't deserve to be treated like he deserved to breathe the same air. If you're reading this you self righteous, piece of crap witch, I hope you have been made to feel just as crappy as you made my husband feel and I wouldn't mind if all of the weight we've lost has somehow found you so that you can know that people over what you consider an ideal weight are actual human beings and have feelings. Perhaps you could consider them in the future and become a decent human being yourself.
I know we're much smaller than when that happened before but the people you pass don't know that. To them, you haven't lost 200 lbs, you're just some fat person that should "just" do ______ to lose weight. Maybe I should wear my "If you think I'm fat now you should've seen me 200 pounds ago" shirt? I would say I can't wait to get to that point where I don't remember how that feels but that's not true. I never want to forget how that felt. That there are people out there who will take one look at you and think because of your weight, you are not fit to be anywhere near them. I don't want to forget so I won't ever become as shallow, heartless and disrespectful as those people. I love that when I see someone who is morbidly obese I say a little prayer that they find their way because a better life is waiting for them. That tells me that I will never lose empathy for what it was like at my heaviest, even when I'm at goal and beyond.
Have you ever gotten dirty looks from fellow airline passengers?
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