Tuesday, December 27, 2011

And then I went insane...

Some years you think you've got it all mastered and you realize you don't.  Lord only knows how long it'll take me to undo what I did the 3 days I went insane but right now I really feel like ripping that gravatar off the page because I don't deserve it.

I know one thing, there will be a rule for next year, no f*cking candy in the stockings if it's stuff we can get any time of year.  We have to pick ONE candy and we split it, period.  Not three different kinds plus what my mom gets us.  I ate crap I didn't even want because it was there.  That is NOT how I'm going into this year, sabotaging myself.  I'm not going to spend time relosing weight I've already lost, that's not productive and it's not acceptable.  I thought yesterday was supposed to be an "on track" day but the Mr dumped his stocking and started rifling through his candy somehow I felt like "well if he's going to do it, so am I!"  But I never do anything small so I did equal to and greater than...like the math problem I am.  My holiday depression had kicked in FIERCE as soon as we got back from Christmas with my family and you couple that a healthy dose of PMS and hormones and it was like an out of body experience.  I swear it was like the healthy me was hog tied and an evil drone took over while I was forced to watch, yelling "noooooo!" from behind my gag.  Welcome to the big failure of 2011.

You can prepare all you want but in the end, sometimes temptation just wins, not once or twice but three times.  I suppose the only victory I can claim is I did exercise and not break our streak.  Well that and dumping the rest of the cookies in the trash so I couldn't screw myself up another day until planned treats on vacation from some of our favorite places.  My instinct is to beat myself up over it and tell myself what a failure I am, oh wait, I guess I already did that above but it's done.  There's nothing I can do to take it all back and I just have to move forward with new rules in place for next year since I'm not looking to spend a third Christmas in a row feeling the way I have the past 2 Christmases.  I will hop on the scale and see the damage and do what I need to in order to rectify it.  Period.

Now I'm off to drink my water and tell this attempted cold to take an effin' hike.

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17 comments:

  1. I am guilty as charged. I regret eating the candy and extra crap but it is amazing how a good workout can turn things around. After we did our workout I felt so much better about myself even if I wasn't perfect. Now we just move forward like we always do and it will all be good in the long run.

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  2. Oh, I'm guilty too; 'tis the season!! But I know that rather than just wait until the New Year, we will all get right back on track and put our transgressions behind us (where it probably went anyway!!)

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  3. Right now I have 2 pies in the freezer and two boxes of my favorite Pepperidge Farm cookie collections in the pantry "just in case" we have company. So far they are all unopened but the struggle is getting harder every day with the cookies. I think they will have to go into the trash too.

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  4. I'm ok with unopened stuff in the house - but once a box is opened it's a whole other story.

    Christmas Eve I had a bit of a baking frenzy. I made 2 of your recipes and 3 of my own so that's 5 batches of cookies. Then my SIL showed up with a "goodie box" full of other baked goods. I figured turnabout was fair play so I sent her home with a box of my own. Then I sent some stuff with my parents when they left, and another large box to a friend of my hubby's. We still have a bunch though. I think I'll bag some up for hubby to take to work.

    On a side note - I just wanted to share. I made your Rolo cookie recipe but I couldn't find Rolos (seriously - not a Rolo to be seen in all of Sam Walton's kingdom) so I made it with those tiny Reeses cups. I also dropped the cocoa by 1/2 cup and both sugars by 1/4 cup each. The cookies were a HUGE hit with everyone who tried them. The other one I made was the crinkle cookies. They were also raved over.

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  5. Hi Mrs.
    Thank you for sharing ur feelings. I too have post Christmas blues but I was going to ride it to the new yr. After reading ur blog, I told myself I am not waiting: I am getting on scale now and taking back control and detoxing from all cookies, fudge (by the way ur recipe is divine-ended up making 4 batches) and Christmas candy. The scale was not kind, up 8 pds in 6 days (I was expecting a gain but NOT that much) but I am back in reality and my goal is back in sight. Thank YOU!!!!

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  6. For some reason my husband let the kids put 2 different BAGS (not king size, but bigger) of my fave candy in my stocking. I ate all of one bag and part of another. I loaded up on fudges and cookies, etc. I ate 2nd helpings of all the foods that were cooked. I was thinking "better live it up now because you'll be tracking again soon!" UGH. Like you said, the good Staci was screaming "NO, Stop! What are you doing?" But the evil Staci was saying "Pass the bread. Give me another cookie." GRRRRRRR. So hard. Just when you think you are in control, you get a sharp reminder that you are still the old you.... like an alcoholic or something... still recovering. :( I was able to get back on track yesterday and for that I am very psyched!

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  7. Live and Learn. You had a plan that you mostly stuck to. It was just three days and remember, YOU STOPPED YOURSELF. You didn't say to hell with it and continue to gorge. It was some candy and cookies and they didn't kill you and probably didn't do too much damage. Next year might be different. This year certainly was. Two years ago, did you stop yourself? Did you throw those cookies in the trash or did you eat until you were sick? Did you stay on the couch or did you get up and move your body? It's over donewith, gone. It's in the past. Time to look forward to the future. Think how far you've come and move on. I'm sending you positive mental waves.

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  8. I don't think you're a failure. Like Anne says, live and learn. It is what it is, and now all you can do is move on. Beating yourself up about what you've eaten is pointless, it doesn't help you in the long run - not even the short run. Today is a new day, and you can start a new healthy-eating-streak as of today!

    You can do whatever you choose to - I'm cheering for you!!

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  9. OH YES! I did it too....and didn't really even enjoy it...because of the guilt. I was trying to maintain, been below my goal weight of 160 for 8 months now, but currently weigh more than my all time low of 139 (I'm at 147 as of this morning)! And I don't like seeing that scale climb climb climb. I think once you overeat, it's easier the next time, and harder to stop. But STOP I must. I will NOT give up this life I have regained, after losing over 180 lbs., I'm enjoying myself way too much! Good luck to all of us in this battle we are fighting to control our lives and our weight.

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  10. I indulged in things this year that last year I wouldn't have had a problem passing on (candy especially) as well. Back on track now, though; the main thing is not letting it sidetrack us for an extended period. You and the Mr. are already moving past it and on toward your goals, that's what counts the most.

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  11. At least you have learned what NOT to do next year. You did and it's over with. Now it's time to move on with new rules for next year. At least you threw out the rest of the cookies and at least you didn't screw up your exercise streak. All in all, you've learned a lesson and the damage probably isn't too bad. You're starting over today and that is the important thing. Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

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  12. My Shark Week happened on Christmas Day..let's just beat mother nature up right now for making us so susceptible to all things warm and chocolate-y at the moment. I'll hold her down, while you kick.

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  13. The wonderful thing about going a little insane is that we get to go all sane again! You have your plan in place to avoid the trap again and that's a very good thing. I love, love, love that you don't let a stumble (or anything else) defeat you. *hugs*

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  14. These responses are why I love you all. *crying* I thank you for allowing me to confess my sins (not that I needed to but I kinda did, ya know?) and not think less of me. I've burned over 1100 cals the past two days and hope to make it 3 in a row with tomorrow's workout! You guys are the best!

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  15. There's a great quote, for which I can't remember the attribution, but it seems appropriate for the moment: "You don't drown by falling into water. You only drown if you stay there." Nice to see you paddling. :)

    P.S.
    If you went completely off the rails and stayed there, I wouldn't think any less of you. Your wit and wisdom are what bring me here, not what you eat or what you weigh. I suspect I'm not alone in that!

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  16. "I swear it was like the healthy me was hog tied and an evil drone took over while I was forced to watch, yelling "noooooo!" from behind my gag."

    I KNOW! What the HELL IS that???!

    I never used to have problems with PMS eating... until I turned 45 ish!!!! It makes me CRAZY... I feel like a rabid dog when it hits! Angrily eating celery has been helping (I've gone through five bunches in a week once).

    As for big failures, not on any level or in any circumstances (even if failure and success are relative) can you use that word in reference to yourself!!! I forbid it... and age trumps beauty, LOL!

    Love ya, Mrs.!

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  17. It happens to the best of us and you are living proof! But like any true SUCCESSFUL person, you picked yourself up and learned from it instead. Way to go, girl!!! 2012 holidays will NOT be an eat-fest!

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