Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Be your own teacher
I came across an online journal during the early to mid 2000's and I found the stark contrast of who I was and how I thought then to now...was well, startling to some degree. The excuses I made, the broken promises to myself and my husband, justifying all along why every bad day, insufferable situation, health problems of family members and ridiculous scheduling demands we put on ourselves was grounds for skipping exercise and/or ordering pizza or some other crap in mass quantities. It's the same stuff I now can't tolerate for an extended period of time from others because it's maddening to participate it. Yet all I could do as I read these entries was watch the beginning of the end happen to this version of myself. I sat helpless reading it and wondering how I could've let myself be so out of control and such a slave to food and honestly, laziness. Why was my life worth giving up to eat and lay around because my boss was an asshole? Or because people we loved were being screwed over by the medical community when we could do nothing but sit back 500 miles away and be helpless? Or dealing with remodeling projects that never seemed to go right? (IS there such a thing as remodeling project than isn't utter hell on some level?!) But in the end, did eating not and exercising bring the people I loved back? Make my boss less of a b!tch? Make the contractors do their jobs? Make my clients less annoying? NOOOOOO!!!! And it never will...for anyone!
I was swirling in emotions reading how much we piled on ourselves and expected to come out of it sane. I was so grateful for eventually waking up to what we were doing to ourselves and how many years we were taking off of our lives. I am so thankful for being able to get a peek into how I was thinking back then. I knew I was a whiner and excuse maker but it was just a generalized thought but seeing empty and broken promises staring back at me over and over again for years when I had plenty of time to go shopping, clean or rent movies showed me just what my priorities were back then. Lessons from the past are some of the best lessons there are, especially when you are your own teacher.
Do you journal? Has it helped you and if so, how?
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Labels: Deep Thoughts